Making Friends

By L.A. Winnen

March 7^th,2025

I have always been an introvert.  I have never been good at making friends. I have always admired people who can just drop a joke or crack up a room and have an insta-friend. As a singer, I was always good at rallying on stage, but it never followed me off stage for some reason.  Maybe I could never muster up the same energy and enthusiasm.  I have met some great people who I have claimed as my tribe—many lovely ladies who are like me, who have a difficult and broken past. I have met other amazing people, but I could never keep the relationship going for too long.  With some we both tried, but these relationships always just kind of faded with time.  I do have friends that I can reach out to who are beautiful souls, where it doesn't seem to matter the time, we are always just friends.  It's kind of like marking a chapter in a good book and then coming back to it later.  You take off where you left off.

What is it about me that can make it so hard to keep certain friendships going?  Is it that I’m just an introvert?  Was it because I was too self-involved?  Could it be that I don’t take the time to reach out? Maybe I was not interesting enough? Could it be that I lost track of time, or felt overwhelmed most of the time?  If you’re a believer in patterns, then you know if something happens on repeat in our life, you are to blame.  No one else can hold that title.  Learned patterns from childhood can attune for some of it, maybe.  But, you have to own it at some point though, you can’t always blame your troubles on a messy upbringing.

I had a women not too long ago, tell me I was basically a crappy friend. That I did not care about anyone else other than myself. That I should have reached out more and been a better communicator.  I always saw that aspect as a two-way street.  At some point, if you are the only person reaching out, then, it's kind of pointless. I do have a few lifelong friends who tell me I'm "good people". A few gal pals that I would try and move heaven and earth for.  Kindred spirits, that have been by my side for years. These lovely women are my soul tribe in many ways, but there could be truth in both perspectives. You are not everyone's cup of tea.  I know it can take me a while to warm up to the people around me.  I put my children or other responsibilities, ahead of my friendships. I do try and reach out, but I don’t want to be a pain in the ass, so I don’t do it too much. I figure if someone wants a friendship with you, they reach out to you. Also, many people have busy lives that don't revolve around their friends. If it makes me wonder, how do other people manage their friendships? How do others maintain a friendship with people they truly admire, or is my experience what most people experience across their lifetimes?